Managing qualities [and quantities]

[First things first: I hope I haven’t seemed like I thought of myself as an awesome perso, better than others or a permanent know-it-all in my last posts. Far from it, really! I’m so sorry if it did seem like that! There are so many awesome bloggers and blog readers out there that I would never want to insult anybody!]

Honestly, I’m suprised nobody has hired me as a manager yet. Well, looking at the mess I’m calling my room it might not be so much of a surprise anymore but … ahem … I digress.

These days, everybody seems to be “managing” their diet. Sorry, I can’t eat this, I already had too many carbs today. Oh, you know, I’m trying to up my protein intake …

 If I could have these Peanut Butter Chocolate Lava Cakes every day, upping my protein intake would be easy.

Wait, everybody is ? I’ve never heard people on the street, in restaurants or elsewhere talk about micromanaging their nutrients. If my mum’s hungry she grabs  a slice of whole-wheat bread with butter and cheese without second thought. My friends have no problem chowing down lunch of white pasta with greasy meat or veggie sauce at the university’s cafeteria and follow it up with a sugary dessert. Then why do I have such a hard time? Why can’t I “just eat”?

Cheesy, carb-filled deliciousness from back when I wasn’t overanalyzing yet. It’ll be on the menu again … soon.

Don’t get me wrong. It can be helpful to have a rough idea of whether you’re getting enough nutrients in. Eating one of the nutrients in mass quantities while missing out on the others would be wrong. It’s obsessing about the “perfect” balance or cutting out or decreasing certain nutrients – namely carbs and fat – to a minimum. That’s just not healthy anymore. Food should be seen as, well, food – not as “carbs”.

Homemade frozen (soy) yoghurt. Amount of carbs, quantity of fat? I wouldn’t be able to tell you. Delightful? Absolutely!

I won’t lie and say I had it all down and was doing just fine. Noticing I ate huge amounts of carbs during a day makes me feel guilty. It’s ironic how I blame myself for not doing recovery the “right way”. Telling myself I could only get completely healthy if hitting the perfect balance of protein, carbs and fat. Some days I can convince myself of not having to care as of now, some days I fail.

Sorry, I can’t help myself but post pictures of nature .. Fall can be so beautiful.

Please don’t think I wanted to blame anybody for trying to hit certain nutrient goals. Bodybuilders, for example, have a reason to look for their protein intake. I just think people like me who do no weight training and even have to gain weight, shouldn’t care such a lot.

Oh, also: Do me and yourself a favour and don’t hire me as a manager. For further information why just ask my math teachers … or don’t :D.

Do you tend to over-analyze your diet? Do you strive for a certain balance of macronutrients? If so, why? I’d love to hear your opinion!


[Don’t] be [your own] judge

What’s your criteria for picking new friends? You surely choose just the cleverest cookies, most beautiful girls and fittest boys, right? You disagree? Well, sure, simply because it doesn’t work that way.

Then why do we judge ourselves such a lot? My hair looks like a mess; gosh, I ate waaaay too much, I didn’t get an A on the test – I’m a failure. Really? Why am I so hard on myself? I always expect myself to be flawless, look fine, be interesting – and then fail to live up to my expectations. No surprise, though, if they are too high.

Would you ever judge this little one for being just average? Being there for you all of the time counts, after all.

Just today I talked to my soon-to-be therapist about how I wasn’t able to accept myself for what I am. And she asked me why I couldn’t ever be content with my achievements. Sure, I finished school with a grade good enough to be accepted to university. My grades are okay now, too. Yet still, I’m not happy because I don’t see these things as achievements. There are many others who do better, study harder, are more talented. But how does comparing myself to them help? It doesn’t suddenly make me smarter or wiser.
And grieving grades I got back in school doesn’t help because I can’t change them anymore now. What I should see is that I got good enough grades though ED’s grip on my brain made studying hard. That there were still others who didn’t pass the Abitur (final tests in secondary school qualifying for university entrance). Yet – from what I can tell (thanks for keeping me updated, Facebook!) – they do fine. They have fun in their jobs or passed the Abitur in the second trial and simply are enjoying life. It doesn’t feel right to take pride from the fact others did “worse” – it doesn’t even feel right to use this word! – than me. My therapist stressed, though, that it was good to be able to do downward comparison.

Swans don’t mess with perfection – they take the things as they come.

As for my friends: Actually thinking about them made me realize that the majority doesn’t have any extraordinary hobbies. And even those who are seriously talented in certain areas don’t make a big deal about it. One of the friends I can talk to about everything and who understands me truly well had such a hard time at school. She constantly felt stupid for this while she was studying much harder than others. So what? To me, it didn’t matter. I like her for her personality not her grades.

Most of my friends are – and I mean this in the most positive way! – average yet to me truly special. I wouldn’t want to change anything about and aspire to be like them. If I had to name criteria for choosing my friends it’d be these: That I’m able to trust them. To joke around with them and laugh hard. To have a good time with them. Because that’s what counts.

How judgemental are you about yourself? Do you only compare yourself to those who are better than you or do you also see those who aren’t? If you learned to let loose: How did you manage to do so? Advice would be greatly appreciated! For now, I’m going to try and write down at least one thing I like about myself or think I did well every day. It’s baby steps …

There’s magic in every beginning …

First off: Hi and thanks for stopping by my little space in the blog world!

The above title is a line from a poem my father told me years ago and it holds a lot of truth for me.

I hope to find magic in the start of this blog, too. I’m not sure you’re able to influence the kind of magic a new beginning offers to you. But if it was possible, I’d hope for this blog to inspire me and motivate me to change my life for the better. To help me leave the golden cage ED has built around me for years. To find out who I truly am.

Oh, wait, I’d probably better introduce myself a little before babbling on. I’m a 21-year-old German student and foodie interested in healthy eating. Shy at times – that’s why I’ll be going by Miss Polkadot for now – but bubbly, joking around and laughing loudly at others. I love books, polka-dots on everything, chocolate, photography and much more.

I’ve been pondering to start a blog for quite a while now. Reading many inspiring people’s blogs and seeing how much fun they had made me wish to join them. But then all the buts and ifs came on stage and made me delay it again and again. Now I’ve finally decided to give it a try and hope you might tag along on my journey to a bright and fulfilled life.

Following my blog title, I finally want to get up and move on. Change my routines and challenge myself. On this blog I plan to share my dreams and experiences as I’m challenging myself and discovering new things. I also love getting to know new people so maybe you’re interested in joining me on my journey and share your opinions and ideas as well?

Okay, I’ll make a long story short. “Let’s get living” is about just that: A girl’s dream to get up, snatch her life back from ED’s beastly grip and finally live to the fullest again! Which day could be better to start living than today?

Miss Polkadot