Let’s [not] talk about it

Hi everybody,

Bad blogger alert again. I’m sorry to have such an inconsistent posting schedule but I promise I’m still reading your blogs! Thanks once again for your comments on my posts – they really all are helpful and make me feel understood.

Being understood and listened to is actually something I find difficult in recovery. I truly can see how it’s hard to comprehend disordered eating behaviours or some of my irks and quirks. My family and friends do their best to understand but it’s not easy for them.

Feeling embarrassed for my ED and guilty for not doing better makes it hard for me to open up to others. I’m afraid of others’ comments, their judgement. Not even all of my friends “officially” know about my struggles. Sure, they might be able to tell from seeing me or the way I eat and behave in situations involving food – though I try my  best to be “normal”.

Seeing as I don’t have any pictures going with the topic I’ll just share a few random ones I like.

My current problem is something that’s especially hard for me to deal with and make a decision. There’s this boy I’ve been seeing for more than a year now with a longer break due to moving temporarily in between. We’re not quite a couple yet but – at least that’s what I’m hoping for – in the process. So here’s where the trouble comes in: I’m a firm believer of being all opened up and honest in a relationship. However, I’m not sure whether to talk to him about my ED or not.

As he once randomly told me he was trying to gain weight himself – though he’s in no way eating disordered or skinny – I admitted to trying, too. So while we do talk about this at times it hasn’t been a huge topic.

Also, he’s the first boy I’ve dated who hasn’t shown any “disgust” towards my body.  That’s not to say, though, that I’d dated a lot of boys before – I’m taking things slowly and am certainly not “that” kind of girl :).

I’m feeling embarrassed to ask this but I don’t know whom to talk to about these things. My friends are awesome but they’re at a loss, too. What do you think?

Are you genereally opened up about struggles – whether it be an ED or something else -, weird habits or characteristics? If you have a boyfriend: Did you let him know rightaway?

Do you have any recommendations on how to handle the situation? I’m afraid of scaring him away if opening up about these topics.

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12 thoughts on “Let’s [not] talk about it

  1. jessielovestorun says:

    I truly believe that you’ll just know when to tell him. You’ll get a feeling deep inside of you that assures you that he’ll understand, & he won’t judge you in any way possible. Just give it time girl, and when the truth is meant to come out.. it’ll happen 🙂 I promise!

  2. Irina @ Chocolatea Time says:

    I can totally understand where you’re coming from. Sharing anything incredibly personal with a boyfriend or close friend (especially a boyfriend/girlfriend) is incredibly difficult. When I was in a serious relationship, it took me MONTHS to gain the courage to share my deepest secrets with him. You’ll find that if a person truly loves you, he/she will accept you the way you are. Don’t be afraid – sharing and seeing their reaction is the ultimate test of how much they care!

  3. Kat says:

    I know how you feel. Generally,I am not that kind of person who necessarily wants to hide her problems – when someone asks me,I’d usually not lie about my ED or anything cause that would only make things complicated and maybe end up in a huge disaster – ,but when no one asks… Well,I would never be one to push her problems on anyone.
    I never liked taking center stage,so why should I?
    At high school,a lot people knew about my ED because it just couldn’t be denied. I ate weird,few,and even left twice for being hospitalized – denying would’ve had no sense,so I went with being honest about my problem. At nursing school now,it’s different though. I try to act and eat as normal as possible cause I don’t want the others to notice. If someone bakes a cake and shares with the class,I eat it. I don’t feel great about it all the time,not at all,but I know that if the others knew,it would make things insanely complicated.
    In fact,I never wished to be normal again as much as I do now that I started my job training,believe me.
    However,regarding your insecurity about whether to tell him or not… Go with your guts. I know this is probably the worst advice ever,but at the same time,it’s the only one that really makes sense.
    In the end,you can never foresee his reaction. Honesty is the only way to find out – if it feels right for you.
    Wishing you all the best. ❤
    Good luck!

    • letsgetupandlive says:

      Aw, thanks, Kat, you’re such a sweetheart! And your advice isn’t the worst ever. I think I really should stop worrying and go with my guts but you know how hard that can be …
      I’m so proud of you eating cake when offered by someone in class. That’s something I’m still working on. Little candies are okay already – baby steps but still moving.

  4. Carli says:

    This is definitely a tricky situation, but I agree with the others that you will know when it’s time to tell him. Trust your instincts. I can completely understand being afraid about opening up to others, especially about ED. Sometimes other people are quick to judge, especially when they haven’t dealt with an eating disorder personally. But I think you will find that most people are really more understanding than you may think. Your boyfriend likes you for who you are, and that should hold true regardless of whether or not he knows about ED. We all have our struggles, but that doesn’t mean we are bad people or that we are unlovable.

    If you ever want someone to talk to, you can email me anytime. I am thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

    • letsgetupandlive says:

      Thank you so much for the reminder, Carli! I’m judging myself and feeling as a bad person easily.

      Sorry I have yet to respond to your last mail. I’m a bit busier this week but will do so as soon as possible!

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