Better late than never here’s the literally sweet follow up of WIAW’s snackyness. Because that’s what desserts actually are, right?! Sweet snacks :).
Thinking about restrictions I noticed one in an area I’d convinced myself I wasn’t struggling with: desserts. Seeing as I allowed myself a generous amount of dark chocolate daily I hadn’t considered myself to restrict in that area. That was the point, though. I did have chocolate every day without a fail but I wasn’t particularly flexible with the kind I chose and allowing other desserts the same day? Rarely and even then only by downsizing my other meals and with guilt included. Trying an intriguing premade dessert from the freezer aisle wasn’t in the cards. Not because I’d ever gotten really into clean eating or given up sugar.
It was once more my previously mentioned fear of wasting calories and the idea of picking dark chocolate as the healthier dessert choice. What if I allowed myself to have one of those tempting desserts and ended up not liking it? I wouldn’t be able to have my usual sure-to-satisfy snacks and most definitely not my usual chocolate that day anymore because I’d end up eating above my allotted amount of calories. It’s only been during these past weeks or even just days that I’ve dared including not only new lunches but also snacks. More indulgent snacks – or desserts, that is. No healthified treats but real desserts.
Semolina pudding was one of those desserts I finally allowed myself buying. A former childhood favourite of mine it had vanished when my ED deemed it void of nutrition. Having kept myself from eating this for a long time I had imagined an over the moon eating experience. Needless to say I ended up being disappointed just like with other foods in recovery so far. Of the two kinds I tried – one whole-wheat variety and another regular one with added fruit sauce – none wowed me. Yet I’m not actually bugged by this because it once again was a learning experience. I’ll dare a guess and say that likely many of those intriguing desserts in the supermarkets wouldn’t be able to live up to my expectations – simply because restriction heightened them too much.
Liking the added fruit sauce a lot, though, it was only natural to go for a traditional German dessert next: Rote Grütze*. It’s basically a [more often than not vegan] pudding prepared with various kinds of red fruit like strawberries, cherries, red and black currants. Eating it brought back memories of my mum preparing Grütze with fruit from our garden in Summer. The result of allowing myself to have this despite the amount of sugar in the premade variety? Blissful. Maybe because I hadn’t actually meant to try it and therefore didn’t have any expectations.
*The name might not exactly sound appetizing but the taste more than makes up for it.
Looking back on my diet these past weeks I’ve had a lot more previously deemed “unhealthy” foods and might have gone slightly overboard on them, too. Still, nothing bad has happened yet. I didn’t miraculously gain pounds overnight or feel sluggish. Food can obviously be awesome but we shouldn’t make it play too big of a role in bringing us joy or making us unhappy. And: it’s no sin to have two desserts in one day if you feel like it. Balance is key here once more.
I can’t deny I’m not yet at a point where I feel a hundred per cent comfortable and had stopped labeling foods completely. What I do know, though, is that I’m on my way and hopeful to find a balance eventually.
Happiness inducing today: Chatting to my sister for a bit – even if it was only via Whatsapp.
Do you eat real desserts regularly or go for healthified versions?
What are your thoughts on having [more than one] dessert every day?
In case you’ve recovered from an ED: How long did it take you to stop going overboard on foods you’d previously restricted? Encouragement would be appreciated as this is admittedly making me anxious.