Where to start? I’ve been a bit wary of writing this post. Putting the idea on and off again until ultimately deciding that I want to be honest about what’s going on in my life on my blog and couldn’t hold back anymore.
One question I’ve been asked a lot lately – and not surprisingly – by people both in ‘real’ life and the blog world is: How is the the job search going?
The honest and not quite awesome answer: I’m still playing the waiting game. As you might have guessed from me not mentioning any success I haven’t found a new job/internship yet. All I’ve done is search. Apply. And – wait. Checking my e-mails even more often than usual probably doesn’t help reduce the anxiety. Doubts about whether I made the right decision to quit and not simply stick with what might not have been a great placement but a job after all arise frequently. Not having any job at all feels worse than a bad one right now. Having people ask me how I was, if I was looking for a new job or else I can’t help but wish I could turn back time. I can’t handle this situation of insecurity about my future. At all. As mentioned before I’m a planner – and this isn’t going according to plan so …
Granted, I haven’t been sending out applications by the dozen. For one because I’m not good at that “selling myself as the best ever fit for the job” part which means I’ve only applied to jobs that I feel I could really be a good fit for. But also because job opportunities [in my field of profession and similar ones as well] are far from abounding where I live. Also, I called many companies I’d meant to send unsolicited applications to in advance. Only to find they didn’t currently hire or mail and didn’t hear back yet.
In case you’re wondering: Moving to another city would be an option in general. But after my previous experience I’m not ready to change places for a job that I’m not feeling totally sure about. That’s why I started applying to coffeeshops, too. Certainly not a way of gaining experience in my field but right now I’d truly be happy to just have any job in the city I live in.
Unfortunately, I’ve always had the tendency to let my mood influence my life in general in a vicious cycle. Still searching and while not being rejected not hearing back from companies is seriously scratching on my self-confidence. And when I’m not feeling good about myself I become reclusive which I know deep within is counterproductive. Feeling like I wouldn’t be able to contribute much to conversations or be the cheery person I really want to be. It’s not easy to push aside my worries and I’m sorry for the ramble. But I just wanted to give you an update and be honest on my blog because I value honesty in others, too. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and I’m not going to pretend it was.
All of this being said I’m not a constant Negative Nancy. I’m still making sure to smile every day – it just takes a bit more effort some days.
Happiness inducing today: A nice long chat with my sister.
Thoughts? Experiences? Ideas on how to deal with this? I’d appreciate any advice.