The Waiting Game

Where to start? I’ve been a bit wary of writing this post. Putting the idea on and off again until ultimately deciding that I want to be honest about what’s going on in my life on my blog and couldn’t hold back anymore.

One question I’ve been asked a lot lately – and not surprisingly – by people both in ‘real’ life and the blog world is: How is the the job search going?

The honest and not quite awesome answer: I’m still playing the waiting game. As you might have guessed from me not mentioning any success I haven’t found a new job/internship yet. All I’ve done is search. Apply. And – wait. Checking my e-mails even more often than usual probably doesn’t help reduce the anxiety. Doubts about whether I made the right decision to quit and not simply stick with what might not have been a great placement but a job after all arise frequently. Not having any job at all feels worse than a bad one right now. Having people ask me how I was, if I was looking for a new job or else I can’t help but wish I could turn back time. I can’t handle this situation of insecurity about my future. At all. As mentioned before I’m a planner – and this isn’t going according to plan so …

Granted, I haven’t been sending out applications by the dozen. For one because I’m not good at that “selling myself as the best ever fit for the job” part which means I’ve only applied to jobs that I feel I could really be a good fit for. But also because job opportunities [in my field of profession and similar ones as well] are far from abounding where I live. Also, I called many companies I’d meant to send unsolicited applications to in advance. Only to find they didn’t currently hire or mail and didn’t hear back yet.

In case you’re wondering: Moving to another city would be an option in general. But after my previous experience I’m not ready to change places for a job that I’m not feeling totally sure about. That’s why I started applying to coffeeshops, too. Certainly not a way of gaining experience in my field but right now I’d truly be happy to just have any job in the city I live in.

Source. Easier said than done but I’m trying.

Unfortunately, I’ve always had the tendency to let my mood influence my life in general in a vicious cycle. Still searching and while not being rejected not hearing back from companies is seriously scratching on my self-confidence. And when I’m not feeling good about myself I become reclusive which I know deep within is counterproductive. Feeling like I wouldn’t be able to contribute much to conversations or be the cheery person I really want to be. It’s not easy to push aside my worries and I’m sorry for the ramble. But I just wanted to give you an update and be honest on my blog because I value honesty in others, too. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and I’m not going to pretend it was.

All of this being said I’m not a constant Negative Nancy. I’m still making sure to smile every day  – it just takes a bit more effort some days.

Happiness inducing today: A nice long chat with my sister.

Thoughts? Experiences? Ideas on how to deal with this? I’d appreciate any advice.


23 thoughts on “The Waiting Game

  1. Davida @The Healthy Maven says:

    I was “funemployed” for about 4 months last year (between leaving my job in NYC and moving back to Toronto). I look back now and the idea of it thrills me but I remember being in it and genuinely having panic attacks daily trying to figure out my life. I’m uncomfortable with selling myself too so I feel ya. Try to focus on other things in your life that are positive, like your wonderful blog! And it will happen for you soon. And then you’ll be back to working and wishing you had more free time 😉

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      Funemployed – I like that term. But yes, trying to figure out my life while it feels like others at my age already had.
      That being said I still think you’re right: I’ll likely long for a little more leisure time to meet friends/read/blog/cook/… once I’m working again. Always wanting what we can’t get, right ;)?

  2. Emily says:

    I’m so sorry, love.
    Don’t lose faith. Things happen when you don’t expect them and [probably] in a different way than you ever could have planned. In the meantime, the best thing you can do is get out there and socialize. Meet people, enjoy yourself, fill your life with joy…when you do things (no matter what they are) more opportunities always present themselves. You never know who you could meet or what you could discover when you’re out. But you do know that staying in won’t accomplish any of those things!
    Stay positive. I know that everything is going to work out somehow. ❤

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      Thank you! I do hope that things will work out and better sooner than later.
      Socializing is definitely the best thing to do but it’s not easy right now. Not only am I reclusive in these times but pretty much all of my friends from university have moved. And I don’t have a real idea on where to get to know alike minds right now. I’d be more than happy to do it, though.

  3. lucie@fitswisschick says:

    Oh girl – I totally know what you are talking about. I was unemployed for 6 months last year in January and besides the waiting days, the weather and the anxiety played a strong and terrible role.
    As already said from Emily and Davida, try to focus on things you love. The ‘positive’ thing about it is that you have time to do what you normally don’t have time for. Meet people, go for walks, do Yoga (if you like that), cook, write, read – I don’t know what makes you happy but I know you’ll find something. If you stay positive, the positive will approach you, I am convinced about that.
    I totally understand that it is irritating and threatening not knowing what the future will bring, but as stupid as it sounds – there is nothing you can do about but keep on applying, staying positive and strong. It will come, maybe not as planned, but it will be right, promised!

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      Thank you, Lucie! Oh yes, the weather … The colder, drearier months generally make me ponder and reflect more. Add in the job search worries and you have anxiety-ridden me. I’m sorry to hear you went through that, too.
      Aside from the other things you mentioned yoga has been on my list of things to try for a while already. How did you get started? Classes seem ridiculously expensive but I know there are DVDs and books, too. What would you recommend?

  4. Arman @ thebigmansworld says:

    Hey buddy! The worst thing you can do is to spend time actually ‘waiting’- stop checking the emails and stop waiting by the phone- limit those to once a day.

    Try to keep yourself busy and even do what many of my friends do- find a non related job/charity work until it comes along- it keeps you busy but also may lead to more contacts! Don’t be disheveled at the lack of work available in your field- it will come 🙂

  5. Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets says:

    Alright yeah, that is rough. I don’t know you very well, but I can understand and relate to being a planner without a plan. It isn’t a good feeling, and I usually end up over controlling another situation to compensate. I also understand retreating within myself when things aren’t always the best, which just lends itself to further retreat. Kudos to you for breaking that cycle and being open about it. I always appreciate and value honesty, so thank you. I wish you success in your job search. I’m sure it’ll work out in the end; it’s just sometimes a b@tch to get there.

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      Over-controlling other things = totally me, too. I need to have control over at least one aspect of my life at all times and having this huge one I can’t control is so not cool. So yes, definitely a b@tch.
      Thanks for the well wishes!

  6. Flake And Cake says:

    This sounds so awful but just keep going. Just keep going. I have so much faith that you will find the right placement for you – and you’ll KNOW when it happens.
    My cousin was unemployed for a year, she interned, she struggled and she lived at home. You know what? She has just been employed in her dream role. I know you’ll get there too 🙂

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      Congratulations to your cousin! Awesome to hear she got the job she’d always dreamed of after all. It’s stories like this that keep me believing in good things to happen so thank you for sharing, Claire.

  7. emskiruns says:

    Good luck in the continuing search for a job/placement it’s so frustrating to not hear back. I had a job interview yesterday and really wanted to get the job but I am waiting to hear nothing is worse than waiting to hear if you’ve got something.
    I hope something comes to you really soon and that you can keep smiling 🙂

  8. Amy @ The Little Honey Bee says:

    Oh lovely I can certainly relate! Finding a job was sooo hard and you are doing all the right things. I truly believe everything has a way of working itself out. Waiting is hard, but focus on what you CAN control. Rid yourself of negative thoughts and always remember that you are MORE than good enough.

  9. Heather @ Kiss My Broccoli says:

    Oh honey! I can completely relate to stressing over the unknown…the waiting game is the WORST! I’d rather something drastic happen and be over and done with instead of having it drag on and on and suck the life out of me! I know it sounds a little cheesy, but you just have to do your best to find the positive in things and take time for yourself…to take care of your needs both physically and mentally…that is a HUGE part! It’s hard to be patient. It’s hard to wait. I know. But just know that you have a strong support system here with us and we will help to hold you up during this trying time! xoxo

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      “But just know that you have a strong support system here with us” – so true and I honestly wouldn’t know what to do without all of you at times.
      My general lack of patience combined with the anxiety of an unknown future makes waiting so hard. In the end I know I can’t do much more right now than keep my fingers crossed. Sigh.

  10. Health, Love, and Chocolate says:

    As I am still in school, this is something I am constantly thinking about, however I cannot imagine how tough it must be to actually be in the position. I know it sounds corny, but I always subscribe to the idea that everything will work out in the end if we just let it be. Obviously, a job search entails quite a bit of action, but once all the applications/interviews/etc are said and done, it is really out of our hands. So I am sending good vibes and luck, and my advice is to just let it become what is is meant to be. 🙂

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      That’s not corny but optimistic and the best attitude you could have towards it. Unfortunately, I’m really impatient and easily getting insecure so this doesn’t work for me all the way.
      Thank you for the good vibes – I appreciate them!

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