It’s okay [to cry]

Note that yes, I realize it’s the second post in a row having a heavier topic but with a positive outlook. If it’s not for you I promise I’ll be back with more light-hearted posts during the remainder of the week.

Another one of those posts that I’ve mulled over sharing or not. Ironically, in this case, because the reason I pondered not doing it was shame while the topic is promoting to not feel ashamed. Or no, I actually don’t feel ashamed for addressing it but just wasn’t sure how to go about it.  Crying. It’s probably not as taboo as some other topics but I feel we still shy away from talking about it. Because isn’t crying a sign of weakness? Of an inability to control our feelings?

 

But there I was, crying at my mum’s shoulder the day before my birthday [and apparently that’s normal …]. Not Maybe you’re thinking: so what? Why even mention it? What made this special for me was that I hardly ever cry. Even if you spent a longer period of time with me chances are you would never see me tear up at. Somewhere in between childhood and teenage years I worked towards suppressing tears in public – and after a while even when I was alone. I didn’t want to be the shy, easily hurt girl anymore but have a thicker skin that [on the outside] protected me from any mean comments and the likes. Yet – the outside can be deceiving. We can pretend not to be touched by hurtful comments on what we look like, the way we act and are – but that doesn’t mean we’re actually oblivious to any and all criticism let alone invulnerable.

Source

Whatever you might think I’m convinced it’s important we let go, let it all out at times. Bottling up our feelings because we’re trying to maintain the image of a strong person will only backfire in the end. Though looking at it more closely crying does in fact not only not make you a weak but actually a strong, smart person. Reaching out for help – or simply a shoulder to cry on – isn’t easy but it shows we’re taking care of ourselves and our emotional health. Those who know me more closely will hear or have heard it at one point or another: I believe that the only true, real friendships are those where we completely bare ourselves. Where we open up about feelings and … In fact, I don’t judge people for talking about their struggles, asking me for a hug, to lend an ear or shoulder to cry on: I respect them even more and feel honoured they are opening up towards me. Because I know I won’t share all of my feelings with everybody but those whom I deeply trust only.

Writing this post and simultaneously – guilty of multitasking –  catching up on my blog reader a little I saw this amazing post by Chelsea. Vulnerability is human and by showing that we’re not flawless we become even more relatable and lovable to others. That still doesn’t mean I’ll be an open book when it comes to my feelings and share them with everybody just like that.  But none of us has to be superwoman [or -man] and hold back the tears. If everything gets too much to bear it’s healthy to cry. It helps us to move on and live life happily again.

Happiness inducing today: Sleeping in.

No questions today – just whichever thoughts you have on the topic.

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25 thoughts on “It’s okay [to cry]

  1. chasingchels says:

    Amen love. It took me a long time to learn this lesson. For years, I’d hold everything in until it built up when something seemingly small sent me over the edge, and I’d cry for hours. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I will cry, but I definitely try to only do it in front of certain people. Something to keep working on, but I’m proud of the progress I’ve made and I hope you are too 🙂

  2. Taryn says:

    A few summers ago, I went through some stuff that made me want to cry every day. So I did. And it made me feel better. I was lucky to have a friend who (unfortunately) was also going through some stuff so there were days that we’d get together, talk about the tough stuff, and end up crying. It felt so good to let it out.. and to not always be letting it out alone. I am a firm believer in needing a good cry every so often. Those tears are so therapeutic.

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      Tears are therapeutic. I’m sorry you went through some rough stuff back then but great you had a friend in a similiar situation to approach. From my own experience sharing both happy and sad moments strengthens a friendship. And not being alone in those moments is great in anyway.

  3. Health, Love, and Chocolate says:

    I so agree that it is much healthier emotionally to let your feelings out rather that bottling them in. In my experience, they are eventually going to surface anyways, so it never helps to hold in emotions for so long. Showing our flaws and vulnerability makes us relatable and more importantly, human.

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      It’s definitely healthier to open up and let out our feelings instead of trying to hide them. Because yes, in the end they’ll escape in anyway and we’re better off not waiting for the worst case.

  4. Davida @The Healthy Maven says:

    Giving you a virtual shoulder to cry on anytime! I rarely open up to people and allow myself to cry but I really should more often. I think my Mom would appreciate me not taking everything out on her. I did cry this weekend though cause the moving was really tough. I felt immediately better afterwards.

    Nothing wrong with crying! Lots of love xo

  5. lovenataliemarie says:

    A round of applause for you. I have been learning to grow “thicker skin” when it comes to comments and judgments. There seem to be so many “unemotional” people today, but on the inside, I have a feeling things get to them. People don’t realize how hurtful words can be. I think it is healthy and okay to cry. It’s better than building it all up and resulting in an utter breakdown.

  6. Amanda @ .running with spoons. says:

    Crying is bliss. Okay, so getting to the point where you have to cry kind of sucks, but there’s seriously nothing better than a good bawling session, especially when it’s the kind that leaves you unable to breathe with your face covered in snot — that’s when you know you got it all out, and it makes you feel instantly better 🙂

    If you ever need an ear or shoulder, don’t hesitate to give me a shout ❤

  7. Ms.J says:

    It’s totally ok to be addressing back-to-back heavier topics..that’s life. Every day is not light hearted and fun! And please tell me..how is it that every post of yours is like reading inside my mind!? I didn’t think it possible for anyone to be as similar to me 🙂 . I always feel guilty regarding the few close friends I have, who share with me their emotions, and while I do a good job of listening..I am a closed book in return. I despise crying in front of others but I have to admit its proved a lot more comforting crying with Mum’s shoulder than on my pillow

  8. Beth @ Mangoes and Miles says:

    I’m actually the exact opposite of you–I cry whenever I feel any heightened emotion, whether it be happiness, extreme surprise, sadness, anger…I’ve actually started crying when I’m debating a topic I’m really passionate about, which now that I think about, I should probably work on not doing that.

    But anyways, back to your post. Other than this strange habit, I do tend to be reserved emotionally. It’s hard for me to show a lot of emotion or passion, and I’m not sure why. I think there is some element of fear–that the other person will just laugh at me or shrug it off as if it’s nothing. But I think another element of it is just being able to be comfortable with who you are, and II’m working on it, but I haven’t quite gotten there yet.

    The thing I love about blogging and photographing is that I can say things and express things that I might not want to or be able to say verbally. It’s a start to being more vulnerable verbally, right? 🙂

  9. Chelsea's Healthy Kitchen says:

    I love this post! I pretty much NEVER cry in front of other people. I bottle it all up and let it out privately. I really like the way you tied this topic into my post on vulnerability – I never even thought about it that way! But allowing myself to be more vulnerable definitely involves learning to cry in front of others… I guess that’s something I need to work on!

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      Let’s work on it together. I can’t recall the last time I cried publicly or even the last time I cried in my mum’s arms before this incident. Being more vulnerable is hardly the easiest thing to begin with but I assume practice makes perfect once more here.

  10. Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets says:

    I cried while watching Iron Man last night. Go figure. I find I cry much more easily as I get older, and I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe my hormones are just out of whack.

    Yes crying is ok and so is sharing oneself, even on the Internet. I think in some way, all bloggers are doing this. Maybe they find it easier to open up to those they don’t really know because in a way it makes us vulnerable but not nearly as much if we opened up that much to our friends. I know there are bits of truth in that for me anyway.
    I’m always hear to lend an ear, a shoulder or pass your drink if need be. 😉

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      It’s interesting you’re mentioning the age part of showing feelings. As children we cry for many reasons, often all of a sudden and – usually – without shame. From what you say tears come up easier again as we get older. I wonder if you just feel the urge to cry more easily or also have less shame in showing your feelings? Would be reassuring to know if there’s less ‘shame’ involved then, too. Maybe I just need to give it some time?
      I agree blogging is a great tool for first steps in opening up.
      Well, I hope none of you regret offering to lend an ear, shoulder or drink 😉 once I start getting back to you 🙂 .

      • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets says:

        No I actually cry more. I never used to before; I kinda prided myself on being all tough (um, vanilla gorilla much), and suddenly I get weepy over the biggest loser. Pretty sure it’s hormonal, but I also am more okay with it now than previously. So yes it does get better as we get older, or we get more accepting with age.

  11. shashi @ http://runninsrilankan.com says:

    Awesome post – great reminder to let out than bottle up!
    I simple love the quote “You can’t always protect your heart..sometimes the only way to be safe is open it”.
    I am an easy laugher and an easy crier – movies, life, sweet moments – yup – am the one bahahaing or sniffling and it does help oh so much.
    Whatever you may be going through – just remember it too shall pass – brighter days are just around.

  12. Laura says:

    I used to be incapable of crying. All through college I struggled with crying. Even when my grandmother passed away my eyes only watered. I would even try to make myself cry when I should be feeling sad by listening to sad songs and thinking about sad things. But nothing. No years.

    About a year ago I started realizing how much my ED had affected my life and the lives of those around me. I mean, I had been aware of it before but it didn’t really hit me until then. And I cried…hell I bawled my eyes out. Ever since then I haven’t been able to STOP crying. It’s nice to finally FEEL my emotions although crying all the time isn’t a good thing, I think it’s healthier than not crying at all.

  13. GiGi Eats Celebrities says:

    Oh lady, I am always crying. Ha! My problem is when I get frustrated – I CRY!!!!! And let me tell you, I get frustrated A LOT bahh ha ha ha ah aha ha ha! I am glad you had your mama’s shoulder to cry one! 🙂

  14. Irina says:

    I’m a notorious crier…always have and always will be. I pretty much cry at the drop of a pin (as that saying goes…or whatever 🙂 ). I’ve hated this quality about myself my entire life because the tears would accompany pretty much any powerful emotion – sadness, anger, frustration, extreme happiness, etc. With age I’ve come to accept the beauty of tears…they show we are empathetic humans filled with a beautiful spectrum of emotions. Sounds so cheesy but it’s true 🙂

    I hope you’re feeling better…a good cry does wonders to relieve stress and pressure! And don’t hesitate to reach out to me at any point for anything 🙂

  15. Heather @ Kiss My Broccoli says:

    Ok, you should know that I literally just rolled up my sleeves for this. Word of caution…this could get novel-ic!

    When I was younger, I was “that” girl…the one who would cry at the drop of a hat. My mom always said I was “sensitive”…but to me, that just translated to weak. But now that I’ve grown up, I’ve seen that crying isn’t something we should be ashamed of…or afraid of. There comes a point where our bodies just can’t take the surge of emotions anymore and it HAS to be released somehow. Allowing yourself that time to have your pity party and let it all out is far better than bottling it up until it reaches a point of destruction…for yourself or those around you. And it’s funny you linked that pity party how-to because that bad weekend of mine a few weeks ago? I followed the exact same structure. I laid in bed practically ALL day that Saturday, but then around 4pm, I decided that was enough. I got up, went to the gym and focussed all my energy there. Had the best workout I’d had in WEEKS! Then I met up with my mom…no matter how old we get, we will NEVER outgrow the need for our “mommies” 🙂

    That TED talk on vulnerability is amazing, but it’s not the first time I’ve seen it. Jamie actually shared it with me in the beginning of our sessions together and it was a good wake up call for me. It’s hard to put yourself out there, but sometimes you just have to close your eyes and dive in. Yeah sure, there are times where the water is too shallow and you end up breaking something (your heart, your pride, your naivety), but that’s life…one learning experience after another.

    Ok, really…I could say more, but I think it could get a little deep and I’d rather save that for our mails! What I would like to say is that I’m proud of you for posting this and that I never ever want you to feel ashamed of crying. And until you can own your tears, you might as well just blame them on hormones…isn’t that like the ONE good thing about being a woman? 😉

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