Out with the old [habits], in with the new [foods]

I’m not sharing details about my recovery journey on a daily – or even weekly – basis because that’s not my intention for this blog. Focusing on my progress would be like limiting my posts to food and fitness: there’s so much more to life and my interests than that.  However, one of the great things about blogging is that it lets us look back. Back at who we were. Or – because it’s Wednesday: Back at how we ate. Yes, it’s not all about our diets but like I said there’s the weekly exception of all out food talk on What I ate Wednesday. That’s why I decided reflect on some old habits and food fears today. Celebrating the deliciousness of good food sans negative thoughts with Jenn.

WIAWbutton_1

Back in the day... I posted pictures of casseroles that I called ‘Green Monsters’. The only monster part about them was how they made my poor stomach feel: attacked by a fiber monster. It’s been only recently that I started to fully enjoy the combinstion of grenens, cheese and – grains. Actually, it was an anonymus comment from one of those old posts that had stuck with me since. These days I can admit that yes, I clearly feared having both carbs [grains] and fat [cheese] in one meal. I was cheating myself into thinking the piles of vegetables with a sprinkling of vegan cheese satisfied me.

Cheese_casserole

Now I’m glad I rediscovered how much more satisfying a nice mix of grains, greens, beans and melty cheese is. Does anybody else prefer to mix most of the cheese into the dish rather than on top? I like to be surprised by where the cheese is hiding and it melts better. Yes, I’m weird. Simply agree with me that cheese is key. (: Another thing that’s key? Snacking.

Back in the day I ate exactly the same snacks every day. Trying a new or – insert panic – additional snack? It wasn’t happening. Anything that meant going over my calorie ‘budget’ for the day was dangerous. Needless to say I wouldn’t have tried something like GiGi’s Birthday Cake Balls – and then proceeded to eat them all by myself within… a short time.

Birthday balls_GiGi

Now… well, you might have noticed I like to try others’ recipes on the regular and put my own spin on them. It’s less about the additional calories but about added variety these days.

Back in the day I was afraid of using any additional fat aside from the nut butter I ate. Cleaning up my pantry right now I stumbled upon several cans of coconut milk hiding in the back. Coconut milk I’d bought because I longed for it yet never dared to actually use it. Coconut butter has been a favourite forever but it was something about the liquid part of coconut milk that scared me. Liquid calories were more fleeting, scarier than the solid, saturating ‘butter’.

Coconut milk soup_curry

Now… I’m not surprised to say it’s good but I was probably surprised by just how awesome it was having it again after such a long time.

Back in the day… I was afraid of the sugar in storebought ‘desserts’ . More than two pieces of dark chocolate – eaten at a specific time – were not allowed.

Lindt Chili

Now I don’t count sugar anymore and just trust in my cravings [and my sugar-sensitive skin but it’s been forgiving]. I know I have a sweet tooth but also that I will naturally long for some greens again after more sugar than usual. Half a bar of chocolate in one day? It happens. It’s totally okay and normal. Most importantly: it just tastes good.

Reading these post from months and months ago I remember how much stronger my fears were back then. How much tighter the grip of my ED still was. Looking back it’s almost sad to read my own words and know the insecurity I felt. But then again it’s the past. It was part of the journey and even though it seemed almost impossible to move on at that time I did. Writing all of this is not to boast with how far I’ve come but actually more of a reminder to myself when I’m struggling and hopefully encouragement to others in recovery.  For me, following – and exchanging mails with – bloggers who were further in recovery or had overcome their EDs already has been and is a source of inspiration. Recovery can be hard but it is possible.

 

Happiness inducing today: Not overthinking a rather huge [monetary-wise] decision I had to make. I’m slowly working on that habit.

Stay in touch!

Twitter: @MissPolkadot21
Pinterest: MissPolkadot21
Bloglovin’: Let’s get living

 

Whether you’ve struggled/ are struggling with an ED or not: Do you have any certain food habits?

Have you tried any new foods lately? Which?

 

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16 thoughts on “Out with the old [habits], in with the new [foods]

  1. GiGi Eats Celebrities says:

    Girl, I need more balls in my face, RIGHT NOW!!!! I think I might convert my boyfriend to a ball lover too 😉

    Oh and I am right there with you, while I have a lot of food allergies and intolerances, etc.. I still used to be so scared of things that I could even eat! I remember when I was scared of eating too much olive oil – now I like dump the bottle in my mouth! Oh and I used to be terrified of eating coconut oil!! But yet, let me grab a spoon and DIG IN!

  2. Anoushé says:

    Oh this post is wonderful – I’m so happy you are able to move past restrictions and habits that you once felt were normal in lieu for what really is 🙂 I had an ED for far too long and even today tend to obsess a slight bit too much over latest trends and whether I should or shouldn’T include dairy, carbs, sugar (enter whatever fits here)… whether I should or shouldn’t snack because I feel like it not because I’m hungry blablabla.. these thoughts take up too much time and energy and I am also so happy that slowly but surely I am able to be more relaxed and listen more to what I need and what does me good.
    I’ve recently fallen in love with chocolate covered rice cakes topped with goats cheese and maybe also some honey. YUMM

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      Once you’ve had those thoughts it’s hard to shake them off again. Slowly but steadily letting go of them – that’s my approach and I’m convinced it’ll work for you, too. As to what to include in your diet and not: eat what feels good for you – society has no say in your choices. (:
      That snack combination sounds strange but good – maybe you need to give Laura a heads-up?! I’m not a fan of goats cheese but chocolate covered rice cakes and honey are great.

      • Anoushé says:

        I have already taken pics of the combo and am preparing the post as we speak 🙂 I def think it is Laura worthy 😉
        You are right..slowly letting go is easier than wishing they were gone instantaneously. I need to learn to become more patient 🙂

  3. Lisa @ SweetPeaSnacks says:

    It’s awesome to see how far you’ve come! I’m working on the whole recovery from an ED thing, and I know how hard it is to break some food habits. I used to be terrified of nut butter (so much fat!) but now I can’t get enough of the stuff!

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      Thanks, Lisa. It seems impossible at times but by persevering, facing fears and not letting slip-ups set us back we are slowly but surely getting there. And oh nut butter – what would we do without it?? (:

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      The opportunity to look back, compare now and then, reflecting – it’s another really awesome part of blogging I’d never thought of before starting my own blog.
      Cheese and grains – they just belong together like Ernie and Bert. (:

  4. katalysthealth says:

    Totally feeling you on this post girl. There were times when I actually measured my nut butter consumption. I mean seriously, who does that?? Not this girl! [anymore] Its so freeing to be able to put a big ol’ plop of nut butter in my oats in the morning now and NOT worry about the amount of calories its adding

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      Oh, the times of measured nut butter… I’m so glad they’re over. A measly teaspoon as a dip for a whole huge apple?! It’s good to see we’ve both moved past this ridiculousness. Straight from the jar is the way to go.

    • Miss Polkadot says:

      Thank you, Khushboo! It often feels like it took me forever to move on but better slow progress than none, I guess. (:
      Making up for lost time? Well, looking at my nut butter consumption I’d say I’m right there with you. Good times.

  5. Marfigs says:

    This post resonates a lot! I’ve also been fearing foods because they were “unhealthy” or “bad”, but I’m slowly stopping with the calorie count and going with how I respond to the food. The other day I made a pasta bake for my husband and was so enthralled with the idea that I was letting myself even taste it – it’s sad how one’s brain can restrict joy around food or dictate quantity based on irrational fears. I’m introducing more fruit into my diet, because I was noticing that my desire for sugar was spiking, and by cutting out natural sources of deliciousness I was sabotaging myself. /endspeech 🙂 Anyway, thanks for the honest post!

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