How to stress less about expectations.

What a difference a word makes … In case you’ve been reading for a while you might now I’m quite the word and grammar fiend. Lucky you if you’re not living with me in real life because my family and colleagues get the full dose of my nit-pickyness every day. But hey, in 80 % of the cases they’re actively asking for it. But you didn’t come to hear me talk about that. Or at least I didn’t plan on delving into this further [at least not today]. Only to explain how this post came about. It was when I noticed how I could use the difference a slight change of wording makes to feel a little less stressed – and the hope you might benefit from it, too.

Expectations. They are everywhere. In school. At work.  For young people. Old people. The world is filled with a million and one of them for every gender, age, kind of exercise, time of our lives, … You name a group you belong to: there are expectations associated with it. And it’s understandable: clichés help us arrange the world and the people we meet to make life easier. However, they have a big downside: nobody can ever live up to all of them – and with that come self doubt, feeling like the odd one out and sighing “why can’t I be like everybody else??”.

Just a few examples of outside expectations I’ve happened upon.

In university we’re expected to hit a certain GPA when we graduate. Anything worse than that and our future seems to be at risk.

Reality: I was neither the best nor worst in my degree program and when it came to applying for my current job my final grade didn’t matter. But you better believe I stressed about this like crazy, regretting the times I felt I could have studied harder.

If we suffered from an ED we’re expected to be recovered and “back to normal” after a certain time.

Reality: Recovery takes time. For some more, for some less. Putting huge expecations on somebody in recovery and showing disappointment doesn’t help. At all.

We’re expected to have figured out where we want to go with our lives at a certain age.

Reality: So what if – and I think it’s the case for many people in this day and age – we haven’t?  What if it’s an ongoing journey?

What would happen if we turned this view on things around and stopped blaming ourselves? If we exchanged ‘expectations‘ with ‘assumptions’?

Expectations can get overwhelming, provoke anxiety and not living up to them feel like admitting defeat. Assumptions,  on the other hand? They’re just that and if others are wrong in theirs about you: so what? It’s not your purpose to fulfill anybody’s assumptions. It’s okay to fit in with your peers at times and not at others. We’re not less valuable as individuals if we’re not breaking PRs at the gym, haven’t found our perfect match by age 25 or visited a certain number of countries by 30. We’re not less important as bloggers if we can’t post five days a week or publish the most exciting recipes.

Just like Pink already knew: I’m not here for your entertainment expectations.

When people assume a certain image to be true it’s not our fault if it’s not true. That way others assumptions about a certain part of society simply aren’t applicable for us. Everybody’s different. Stereotypical assumptions don’t necessarily match. That’s cool. Be you, be awesome, be happy.

 

And that was me thinking out loud with Amanda again. Thanks for opening up Thursdays for random rants, rambles or anything on our minds.

Thinking-Out-Loud

Tell me whatever comes to your mind on the topic. Possible ideas:

What are some expectations you feel others are having about you? What are some expectations you’re holding up to yourself?

Can you lessen the burden they are by thinking of them as assumptions instead?

 

Happiness-inducing today: A girl I talked to at the gym at random calling me disclosed as I chatted her up which is a huge compliment to me as an introvert.

 

Stay in touch!

Twitter: @MissPolkadot21
Pinterest: MissPolkadot21
Bloglovin’: Let’s get living

Thoughts on blogger guilt

Pinch me, please. Why did the weather gods have the brilliant [irony alert] idea of playing catch-up on winter just in time for my birthday?? If I could I’d remove all therometres around me only so I wouldn’t have to face the facts: – 11.5 °C/11 °F?! Frosty the Snowman might be the only one to rejoice …

Speaking of catch-up in terms of blogging … speaking of guilt …

Don't stress.

[Just to say it right away: What I’m about isn’t supposed to be a rant. It’s just what’s been going through my mind and maybe one or the other can relate?]

Like I’ve mentioned before my internet access or the time I get to use it has been cut down majorly since moving back in with my parents. No access at work and a restricted time at home haven’t allowed me as much time to blog as I used to have. Nonetheless, blogging has become an integral part of my life I don’t want to miss anymore. The friendships, the support, the inspiration … it’s marvelous. Just ask my mum how excited I get about meeting blends, connecting with all of you online, taking pictures and writing posts :D. By now my whole family has understood that blogging is way more than just another hobby to me.

Only there’s a fact that every blogger will agree with [and Amanda put very wisely]:  it’s a hobby that can easily take up hours every day. Fun time for the most part because that’s what blogging is. The ‘trouble’ for me right now was that I wanted to both read and comment on others blogs as well as write posts on here. However – and maybe it’s just because I’m still so bad at time management ;)? – I quickly noticed that I wasn’t able to read and comment on as many blogs as before anymore. And I also noticed I probably won’t be able to post on all days I usually do every week under the current circumstances. Though – trust me – I’d happily do! [Side note: Honestly, how can our office not have WLAN? Don’t you agree a little bit of blog reading in between working makes you more productive, too 😉 ?]

But then it deemed to me: Do I stop reading a blog just because the blogger alternates the days they blog on or doesn’t find the time to comment on my blog as regularly anymore? No. If I like the way they write I will come back no matter what just because I can relate to them, we have things in common, share an opinion on a topic, … Looking at my [non-]resolutions again helped to ease my mind, too: Just live. Life is everchanging. We can’t predict what the circumstances on any day[s] of our lives will look like.

Especially talking to some blends and excusing for my lack of commenting on their blogs lately made me realize that nobody is mad at me for taking some more time to repy to mails or not comment on their blog because I haven’t found the time. It’s just me setting those expectations [and wanting to comment and let you know I’m reading because I still do]. So what is this post all about? It’s about a realization I made to relax. Maybe some of you can relate and if not I hope you don’t mind my rambly explanation.

MiMM_new

So in case I’ve been reading and commenting on your blog regularly before and haven’t lately: please know that I’m still reading. And you’d better believe I’ll be back once I get full internet permission [yes, it feels a little weird to talk about it] again 🙂 .

Happy Monday!

Happiness inducing today: Starting my day with a great relaxing workout at the gym.

Have you ever struggled with trying to fulfill expectations that [you assumed] others had?

Bloggers: Do you feel obliged to stick to a certain schedule with your posts [i.e.: days to post on, a certain number of recipe posts, …] or did you do in the past?

How do you manage your blogging time in terms of writing posts and commenting? I’d appreciate any advice because I’m sure there’s a better way of time management.