Dear Kate Moss [What skinny really feels like]

Dear Kate Moss,

Rumor has it you once felt the need to share this questionable piece of wisdom with the world:

Not to get all grammar-nerdy on you but I feel we also need to get this error out of the way first – because it makes a notable difference: skinny is  not a feeling. It’s a physical state of being and as such pre-destined to be temporary. The colours in artworks fade. Houses go rack and ruin. Bodies change, get wrinkles, loose their youthfulness. Happiness on the other hand won’t fade.

Been there, done that. And I know what skinny is like.

Skinny feels and looks like

… turning on the radiator in the office and giving a stank eye to anybody who dares opening the window because you’re freezing.

… not feeling anything besides the ruthless cold when outside on a winter day.

… constantly missing something. Not just food.

… envying people who just go out and about their days, not limited by their exercise or food routine.

… faint at times when you decide an hour on the elliptical – pre-breakfast, obviously, because that’s what magazines tell you – doesn’t cut it.

… trying to think clear through the fog in your brain.

… walking through your day unaware of the beauty in the little things you don’t notice thanks to said foggy state of mind.

Flower

… memories of counting down the minutes until the next ‘meal’ you allowed yourself even if it only contained of a low-fat pudding cup. That you ate over the course of an hour so the waiting period until the next meal wasn’t too long.

… knowing how much you hurt your family and friends who see you struggle and want to help but can’t.

… the desire to make it all stop. Just wake up the next morning and join everybody else in their  [at least food-wise] free-spirited ways.

… exhaustion. Constant exhaustion and overwhelm.

… the excruciating pain of toes and fingers gone numb after a walk out in the cold and then slooowly warming up again inside. If you’ve never experienced this: trust me it hurts like crazy. And then some.

… #hangrybitch. 24/7.

… the constant desire to get that something missing from your life. And we’re not talking about food only.

Thinking-Out-Loud

What skinny most definitely lacks: the feeling of happiness.  Light-heartedness. The brain capacity to think [out loud and elsewise] properly.

Given the choice between the dreaded weight gain, discomfort of eating ‘too much’, struggles and occasionally not resisting temptation to click on that link I know I shouldn’t: I’d still forego skinny for happy any day. And for chocolate. Nut butter.

Kate,

I sincerely hope you won’t wake up one day – maybe once your career is over and an even skinnier girl has taken over – and wonder where life went. Skinny might have the momentary thrill and starving can give the current high [that you’re still seeking in certain illegal substances but I digress]. But at the end of our lives what counts more than our weight are the days, weeks and years lived making happy [and delicious] memories. I know I’ve missed out on too many moments already and . What about you?

 

Happiness-inducing today: A friend of mine getting accepted for a job she’d applied for.

 

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